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That Ginger, Anna

That Ginger, Anna

Tag Archives: love

Deception and Disappointment

17 Sunday Aug 2014

Posted by That Ginger, Anna in Personal and Fun

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deception, dishonesty, friendship, heartbreak, infidelity, lies, love, Relationships, trust

I’m still looking for a place to live in NYC. So, since I can’t start that series yet (hopefully I will have a place by next Friday), I thought I’d write about something more serious: deception, disappointment, and heartbreak.

Without clouding this post with too much of my jaded judgements about lying in relationships, I want to talk about people that lie.

I first encountered this at 17, then 20, 23, 24, and again at 25 (my 20s have obviously been a winning half decade for upstanding, honest people *cough* men *cough*).

I won’t say I haven’t broken a few hearts in my years as a dating woman, but I can say that I have not lied to someone I loved. It is very, very confusing to me how so many men (and probably women, but I don’t have romantic experience with my fellow ladies) can live a deceptive lifestyle, yet swear that they love their mate fully. I’m not necessarily talking about sexual infidelity, but any deception or lie that warps the way the deceived party may see their mate. How can you fully love someone when you are too scared to let them love the real you?

If you lie about past mistakes and present circumstances, your mate is only able to love the figment of your imagination that you have crafted and molded into your personal, fictitious version of yourself. I realize most people lie to cover up things they are ashamed of, but how much better would it be to put all of the effort you use to craft and maintain the lies, to fix your faults to begin with. Then, not only are you bettering yourself, but your opening yourself up for someone to love the real you-rough edges and all. If you are so enraptured by the thought of being perfect, that you are willing to lie yourself into a new reality, how can you truly love yourself or love others?

But of course, I’m sure people that habitually lie aren’t really concerned with self improvement…

My real question is, how is the victim of deception supposed to cope when the truth is revealed? You read about women all the time that come home one day and find out their husband has a whole other family they never knew existed, but this happens on a smaller scale even more frequently. As I have never experienced the former, I am inclined to believe that even short term deception, when love is involved, is just as painful.

In my most recent experience I found out that after 5 months, a person I thought I knew had lied to me about every facet of their life (finances, past relationships, family relationships, etc.). While I’ve been lied to before, and am much better at handling these things than I was in my teens and early twenties, I still feel like finding out someone you love is not who you thought they were is very much akin to losing them in a more permanent way. You build a relationship and imagine a future with this fictitious character, only to peel back the layers-or have them ripped off like a bandaid, in my case-to find out that their masterfully crafted persona is hiding someone you don’t even recognize, much less love.

Should you sympathize with their failed effort to creat a better, albeit fake, version of themselves or should you move on and let them fix themselves alone?

You have to grieve the loss of a partner you never really knew in the first place, then decide if this new person you’ve uncovered is worth trying to love.

So, have you ever been lied to by a lover or a friend? Was your relationship able to overcome the lie(s)? If not, how did you open yourself up to trusting other people again? How do you ever really know that you know the genuine version of a friend or lover?

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A Movie A Day: December 30

30 Monday Dec 2013

Posted by That Ginger, Anna in Film Reviews, Media

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a beautiful life, a movie a day, China, chinese, cinema, Cinema of China, film, film review, love, movie, movie review, movies, netflix, qi shu, review, romance, Romance film

Title: A Beautiful Life

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Review/Synopsis: 7/10 A rich girl falls in love with a poor cop who begins to suffer from memory loss. It’s a typical Asian drama story, but I LOVE it! I am addicted to Korean dramas (soap operas) and this plot is very typical in those shows, so I loved this movie. It’s really sad and tragic, but also very romantic. I’ve seen several older Chinese movies when I took a Chinese film class my junior year of college, but this is by far my favorite one I’ve seen. The leading lady, Qi Shu, is gorgeous and I loved the shots in this film (the scene in the above picture is one of my favorites). I can’t really summarize the film without ruining the story, but if you are looking for a dark, romantic film to watch, then you’ve found it. It’s interesting, beautiful, and especially tragic.

Year: 2011

Stars: Ye Liu, Qi Shu

Country/Language: China-Mandarin w/English subtitles

Where to watch: Netflix

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A Fantasy To Build A Dream Upon

29 Sunday Dec 2013

Posted by That Ginger, Anna in Personal and Fun

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Tags

day dream, Daydream, difficulty, dream, dreams, escape, fantasy, life, love, pressure, problem, Psychology, romance, Travel, trouble, urge, wanderlust, wish

Are you a daydreamer? Do you fantasize about certain things when you are sad or upset or just want to escape?

I was never into SciFi or Fantasy stuff, never read comics, or watched fantastical movies. I did play video games in middle school and really did enjoy them, but again, I was always into puzzle games or war games with tasks and challenges, never role playing. I’ve dated several guys that were really into SciFi, Fantasy, role playing games, comics, etc. and we would often talk about why they (and others) were interested in these things. What is the draw? It would always come back to the fact that they were an escape. Of course, they are fun and entertaining, but I’ve been told by several gamers, avid Fantasy and SciFi fans, and many people that play role playing games that one of the main reasons they enjoy them is to escape from reality for a short time. I think every needs some type of escape; some people use exercise, sports, books, or games to do this, but I use movies and day dreaming!  As you’ve seen over the past month, I LOVE movies and one of the reasons I flock to romances and foreign films is because for a couple of hours I get to imagine my life differently and the same goes for daydreaming!

I didn’t start day dreaming until I was able to travel for the first time, when I was a junior in high school, but since then I have always dreamed about traveling or getting away whenever things become difficult, even momentarily. Within the past couple of years, since I’ve been burdened with student debt and haven’t been able to travel as much as I would like, I go back to my day dreams much more frequently.

I have a few specific daydreams that I return to time and time again…

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A Movie A Day: December 16

16 Monday Dec 2013

Posted by That Ginger, Anna in Film Reviews, Media

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a movie a day, body building, cinema, denmark, dutch, film, film review, kim kold, love, movie, movie review, movies, review, romance, teddy, thailand

Title: Teddy Bear

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Rating Synopsis: 3/5 So, this is the first Dutch film I’ve ever seen and although I tried to watch a couple of others afterwards, I get the feeling I’m missing something culturally that would help me understand Dutch films better. The shortfalls include the cinematography, audio, and a few scenes of dialogue. Again, the actors did a good job, but I do feel like I need to watch Kim Kold in another film (presuming he’s been in one) to gauge his character development in this film. Despite these minor things, the issue I had with the film was purely one of personal preference: the male character was written to be such an emotional, sensitive, shy guy yet was played by a giant of a man aka Kim Kold. It was so hard to believe and/or get past the complete abandonment of gender expectations. As you’ve read before, I LOVE a good movie that is written to screw up the obsession we have with gender binary, but his relationship with his mother threw off the chemistry between he and the female protagonist. . That being said, again, he did a great job with what he was given and I understand that this is the point of  the movie (he’s a big “teddy bear” hence the title), but I felt like it took me too long to get used to the idea of a virginal body builder with an awkward level of attachment to his mom and by the time I was thoroughly entrenched, the film was over. It’s a cute movie and reasonably PG. The three stars were earned for originality of the story line, low production cost to film quality ratio, and just for adorableness. It’s easy to understand as well, so if you are new to foreign films this is a good place to start!

Year: 2012

Stars:  Kim Kold and Lamaiporn Hougaard

Country/Language: Denmark-Danish w/English Subtitles

Where to watch: Netflix

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